Stress from divorce

The truth is that divorce is a sticky affair, no matter how you are involved. Whether you're a spouse that's unhappy or a child caught in the middle, the stress that accumulates can be devastating to the entire family. If the prospect of reconciliation is not considered, you will need to find ways to cope with the pressure of the divorce situation in order to create a stable home life for any children involved as well as for the adults involved.

The stress of a divorce can come from multiple sources:

• Anger of the divorce itself
• Arguments over financial arrangements
• Arguments over children and custody concerns
• Sadness over the loss of a marriage
• Nervousness about children and others' responses Etc.

While there are plenty of people that will tell you the ‘best' way to handle the stress from a divorce, the preferred advice is to work through the causes of the stress in order to promote a healthy future.

• Talk when you are not emotional - One of the best ways to keep stress from boiling over is to make sure that all conversations are done when you are calm and relaxed. This might seem impossible to do, but it is a skill that will allow you to have more productive conversations and lessen your anxiety. If you find that you're getting too upset during a conversation, step away from the situation until you are calm.
  

• Keep children away from any negative talk - If you're a parent, you want to avoid fuelling the fires of your own anger by complaining about your ex-spouse to your child. Not only does this create tension, but it also causes your child to become confused as to how they should feel.

• Take time for yourself - While you might want to spend the majority of your time helping your children cope, you need to always take care of yourself first. Think of an airplane safety demonstration - you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help others. Have someone look after your children from time to time so that you can get away to do your own thinking and relaxing. When you're calm, you will be a better parent.

• Create a journal for your feelings - When you are feeling like you're at your wits' end, write down these feelings on a piece of paper or in a journal. This can help you reduce the pressure in your life and allow you to have an outlet for your stress.

A divorce can be as painful as a death in your life, but when you take the time for yourself and to recognise that anger doesn't have to be a part of the process, you can make it back to happiness.

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Relaxation Training specialists, The 4th R, 020-8974-8974